How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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