he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
