My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I am spending my child support on dildos
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
