How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
