I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize