i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
