I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
