I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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