I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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