Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
