i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
