True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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