Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
