He asked to "fluff my boner.."
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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