I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
