sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
