I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
