I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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