Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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