you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
