I seem to have left my pride at pride
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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