He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
