too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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