I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
