one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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