Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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