Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We're facebook friends in real life
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
