In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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