Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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