dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
