Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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