I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
