mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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