You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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