You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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