Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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