great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
