10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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