We're facebook friends in real life
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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