we made out on top of his cat.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
