the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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