Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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