so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
