What did we do last night that was yellow?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
