Your face is a jimmy john
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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