Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
