How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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