marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Me too!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
