I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
