I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
