ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
