How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
