Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
