you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
