i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
