I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Also, beer. Big fan.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
