I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
