i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
NoShamevember. You game?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
