Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
