I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
