You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
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