I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
