I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
