I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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