Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
