Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
