I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
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