I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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