At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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