Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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