I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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