Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
