I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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