and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
