brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
