I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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