Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
