Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
