hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
