I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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