it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
