i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize