It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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