someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
