How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
