Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
