I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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