I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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