She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
