i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
