Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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