He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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