We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
