xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
