I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He better not be in your backpack
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
