I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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