This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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