spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
