he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
