But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
