New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
