it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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