She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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