Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
