Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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